Sometimes I stay half-awake in bed, realizing that I am living a life I would rather not be leading. It seems I am not in a reality I am actually in. After I am fully awake, I am often frustrated.

People always say that life is a box of chocalate, you never know what you gonna get. Life to me is also a box of chocalate, only with few varieties to choose from. Nontheless, it never fails to surprises me with different kinds of chocolate, whether I like it or not.

A year ago, I never knew where I would be now. It is destiny that brought me here. So there is no reason I should waste my time and live a life of regrets. A month ago a friend asked me what I had learnt in the three months I stayed here. The only reply I managed to make was "nothing", which sadly is the cruel truth.

What on earth is wrong with me? I think the answer is lack of a "dream". I used to dream day and night, now I only dream occassionally in my sleep. When I was a young kid, I dreamt of becoming a postman. I thought riding around delivering letters and newspapers was real fun. Now I consider delivering mail a good profession, which I would rather not hold. Later in primary school, I wrote that I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. But to tell the truth, I have never really been into drawing. I did not want to be an artist either. I was simply writing for the sake of writing.

In junior high school, a friend and I established an invented company, which we believed would be operational one day. That company was never made into reality and both of us are now mere salarymen, instead of bosses. I also dreamt to be an enterperneur, with my own brand named senser, my brainchild. It never became reality.

As time went by, I ceased to be dreaming and stopped to achieve. I grew passionate about English and thought of it as my future career. Some people believed I would be a translator. I was the only person who thought otherwise. My mother wanted me to be a diplomat and I sincerely asked her to forget about it...

Many year passed, and now I live my life without a goal or a dream. Life with nothing to strive for and live for, is horrible. Now and then I recall those years with regret.

Deep in my heart I may have a lot of fake dreams. Some are goals, some are aspirations and some are simply desires, some just day-dreams. I refuse to call them real dreams. Maybe in the future I will again regret for not having a genuine dream to follow.